Am I still Quitting?

That has been the plan for so many weeks, days, and months to the point where it's silly.  Just do it!  Always wait until I'm out of smokes and money for them that I go on  this mental crusade to be rid of them, their stink, and their cost.
I mean, come on Mark.  $8.00 per pack! A pack a day!  Isn't it time to get real about this?

Quitting – CHANTIX Official Site – CHANTIX is a Prescription Medicine to Help Adults Quit Smoking

Woken up at three this morning with a hacking cough.  So, I decided to stay up, despite the fact I wanted to get to do laundry this morning.  Don’t know if I can stay up for that.  Just going to buy new socks and underwear at the hardware store in town.  Hardware store.  Yea.  Not buying in the shops here.  Way, way too expensive.  I don’t need some designers name on the underwear.  No one’s going to see it.  And, I mean no one.

Well.  Been to the doctor’s about this three week persistant cough.  He didn’t find it necessary to prescribe an antibiotic.  However, I did have an x-ray. Haven’t heard back from him, so I must assume everything is okay.

I can blame this coughing on allergies.  Part of that is the honest truth.  But, I’m not kidding myself  that most of the problem is smoking.

I got a script for Chantix.   Just waiting for insurance to approve it.  I’m desperate.  Quit cold turkey in the past, but can’t make it past a couple of days now without going completely insane.  Chantix is supposed to be a good alternative to NRT’s, of which I’ve tried, to no avail.  It is said one has to want to quit.

Well, I REALLY, REALLY,  want to quit.  I’m looking forward to getting the medication and plan to be rid of this filthy, deadly habit.  If for any reason, to stop coughing every time I breath.

Quitting – CHANTIX Official Site – CHANTIX is a Prescription

IceRocket Tags: smoking cessation,health,Chantix

Medicine to Help Adults Quit Smoking

Day Seven, Don’t Feel Like Heaven

Starting another day without smoking.  Still can’t get the smoking obsession out of my mind.  Smoking seems to be on my mind all the time.

I think it might be a good idea to focus on something more than the pain of withdrawal.  It would be a good idea to focus on the benefits of quitting.  Could start with a grocery list.  Maybe treat myself to food I wouldn’t normally buy. 

Day Six, No Sticks

Made it to day six by some miracle. The moment I got up I started coughing and coughing.  Really pissed me off because I thought that was the whole point of quitting; to get rid of the smoker’s cough.   But as I’ve mentioned before, not having money doesn’t give one much choice even if they did want to smoke.  My concern is when I get my check in a couple days.  Will I run out and get a pack of smokes?  Or will I continue a smoke free life?  It’s a very important decision.

Okay.  I better use some kind of tool to chill out, because I’m ready to smash something.  This is why I want to give up giving up.  The mental and physical withdrawal is so damn unpleasant I just don’t care anymore about quitting.  Urges pass.  So I’ve read.  Well this urge is lasting a little too long.

Started doing dishes to keep busy, but after a while I had to stop because I knew I was going to throw something.  So, thought I would sit down here and write again.  Touch typing keeps my fingers busy and I like the feeling of hitting the keys.  Gee.  I’m in a aggressive mood.

Day Five and Still Alive.

Hard to imagine I’ve made it this far.  Of course not being able to afford smokes has sort of made the decision to quit for me.  I will stay quit, one day at a time, even when the day comes when I can afford them.  And that time is coming in a couple days.

It’s two cups of coffee so far this morning.  Think I’ll have another.  I know it’s said to avoid having coffee when you quit, but it seems to calm me and make me feel good.  So I’ll continue to do what I’m doing and have several cups.  As it is said. “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.”

Took a step outside and a nice walk to the market.  I could smell salt in the air even though I’m not really close to the water.  I could smell the burning wood coming from chimney’s.  And when I got home and opened the door, I didn’t smell the horrible stench of cigarette smoke that usually lingered perpetually in the apartment.

10 Reasons to Quit Smoking: Cost, Smell, Wrinkles, and More

10 Reasons to Quit Smoking: Cost, Smell, Wrinkles, and More

Good article. For me the worst thing about smoking is the stench. I get embarrassed to wear my jackets because they smell so much of smoke. So that's one incentive for me to stay quit.

Day Four!

This is definitely a true day without nicotine.  I’m saying this is day four, despite the few hits of nicotine I got from those terrible rolled stubs.

Things don’t seem too bad this morning.  Got up and had a real good stretch. On my second cup of coffee.  Was getting a little annoyed with all the coughing, but I guess that’s the body cleaning itself out of all that tar and crap.

Can’t find enough things to eat a drink in the house.  Took a nap and the  first thing I did when I got up was grab a peanut butter sandwich and some instant coffee.  Now nibbling on some cheese.  Surprised I don’t upset my stomach.

Finding things to do is a great tool to fight the urges.  Seems I can’t get anything done.  Either on the computer or vegetating in front of the TV.  I guess what ever it takes.

God, this feeling like I’m losing it is growing stronger by the minute.  Can’t find enough things to do to keep my mind occupied.  Guess I’ll just nurse another cup of tea and hope this very uncomfortable feeling will pass.

Day Three…sort of.

I could say this is day three smoke free, but that wouldn’t be totally honest.  True I haven’t had manufactured cigarettes, but I have been rolling loose tobacco I had left over from when I used the rolling machine.  I cannot roll to save my life, so what I get is a puff or two until the paper either flares up or the tobacco falls out.

This is it!  Now I’m coughing like mad.  Guess its all the crud coming up, or trying to anyway.  Just a dry and non-productive right now.

IceRocket Tags: smoking cessation,addiction,health

A sign?

My friend recently quit smoking.  I also got news from a friend that got diagnosed with emphysema. This surely should be a sign.

obama you're the top, you're the Coliseum

This toilet wall comedy is far from amusing. I never thought
#Kathy Griffin was funny. She tries too hard to be funny, and once again, fails. I take it she's trying to raise awarness, but I suspect this exhibitionismhas more to do with raising hers.. She got mine. She's still not funny. Get the hook.

Free speech isn't free. It costs decency and respect.

New Mexico cat lost for 8 months found in Chicago - then scores free flight home

Read more: http://ping.fm/pxgye +amazing!

George Washington racks up late fees at NY library - U.S. news- msnbc.com http://ping.fm/DzHZg

Unable to write through the smoke.

I haven’t written in so long because I’ve been smoking so much and didn’t want to do what I always do.  Vowing to stop smoking, when I now I can’t keep that goal.

IceRocket Tags: health,smoking cessation,lifestyle,addiction

Not good, not bad.

Not  good, because, after two days without smoking, save for a couple pathetic rolled ones, I’m smoking again.

Not bad, because I’ve smoked three cigarettes in 4 1/2 hours.  I know one is one to many, but at least I’m cutting down.  Going to do my best not to buy a pack today.  I can’t be spending $8.00 a pack like last month and be short of money by the end of it.

IceRocket Tags: smoking cessation,addiction,lifestyle,health

Day One

9:42.a.m

Slowly waking up thanks to a couple cups of coffee.  Stretched my body some when I got up.  I coughing up all this gunk. It’s disgusting and annoying.  It’s the tar and other shit that’s been in my lungs day in and day out.  Guess my body is cleaning itself.

 

Let’s be honest. 6:00 p.m. and I found a tin of loose tobacco and rolled a couple.  I’m not very good at rolling, but they were good enough to get a little buzz.

I know I have an addictive personality because I’ve been eating all day long to substitute not smoking.  Nothing in moderation for me.

After a couple ill-made rolls I gave up.  Tastes foul and not to pleasant burning my fingers. Bed. No smoking, and I’ll feel better tomorrow for it.  I hope.

IceRocket Tags: addiction,smoking cessation,health,lifestyle

Lights Out

Time for lights out and off to bed.  It’s only been few hours free of smokes and I’m already a cranky basket case.  So, I figured I would just go to bed and watch some TV.

IceRocket Tags: smoking cessation,addiction,health

Fighting the Urge to smoke, Dammit!

I am sitting here trying to write away the urge.

Won’t be but a few hours before I’ll really have to fight the urges as I have absolutely no money for cigarettes.  Unless I want to starve.  Don’t think I want to do that.

Five smokes left at 11:00 a.m.  Then that’s it. Five left and counting. 11:20 three left and counting 4:00 p.m. Two left and counting.  I think I’m just smoking for the sake of it. Why not just throw the ones I have left?  Because I’m avoiding the inevitable.

Well.  The inevitable has arrived.  No more cigarettes.  Going to cook some dinner and I’ll go from there. I know if I keep telling myself quitting is close to impossible and terribly hard it will make it much more difficult than it has to be.

 

• Push For Higher Cigarette Taxes a "Gold Rush" (patspapers.com)
• And I’m the fool who has been giving the state my money.
• Quit the comfort zone tobacco provides (mayoclinic.com)

 

 

Stay home

I’m staying in today.  Don’t really need to get groceries, so there is no reason to go out, except to get smokes, which I don’t want to do.  I have a few smokes left.  Could they be the last?  Well, considering I have very little money until the beginning of the month, logic would tell anyone that food is more important.  There should be no question about it.  But, I am a nicotine addict, and like most addicts, don’t think clearly.  If staying in will guard me from spending good money on a bad habit, then, so be it.

Technorati Tags: addiction,smoking cessation,health,lifestyle

It Stinks!

Smoking stinks!  I mean it really stinks!

Technorati Tags: smoking cessation,health,addiction

MQ5FMZUFS58H

MQ5FMZUFS58H

Kick Butts Day

Kick Butts Day

Ironic that today is throw away to smokes day. The day I decided to stop, or at least attempt to stop smoking.

Up an hour with out a smoke. Keep it up.

Praying

Praying, praying and praying that I can wake up tomorrow and not smoke.  Praying for some spiritual epiphany.  I pray I don’t go out and buy a pack.  And I pray I don’t get crazy or scared of the withdrawal. I pray.

Technorati Tags: smoking cessation,addiction,health

Boredom

I think boredom drives me to smoke constantly.  I know I find myself smoking , even if I don’t want to, and more than often don’t even get the nicotine rush I was looking for.  Just pure habit.  A habit that doesn’t make any sense

Technorati Tags: smoking cessation,health,addiction,lifestyle

I feel like Sissy from Sordid Lives.  Everything but the rubber band.

BESOCHEMPS blog: Big Tobacco makes secret plea to avoid payout

BESOCHEMPS blog: Big Tobacco makes secret plea to avoid payout

I'm not surprised. Most corporations act shady. Not just the tobacco industry.

I still question the effects of second-hand smoke. How about second-hand car fumes?
I am trying to stop, but I'm obviously defensive and living in high denial.

Still puffing.

It almost does no't make any sense to say one minute I'm not going to smoke and the next minute picking  one up.

Beat the urge to buy.

Image via Wikipedia

Technorati Tags: smoking cessation,addiction,health

Went to market and didn’t stop to get cigarettes.  Hopefully the pretzel sticks I got will help.

Disgusting picture.

Technorati Tags: smoking,addiction,smoking cessation,tobacco

A very disgusting picture.  Makes it’s point about how disgusting smoking is.

A baby step closer.

With only a couple of cigarettes left it’s down to the wire.  In a few short minutes I’ll be kissing the sticks goodbye. 

Denial

Feel any motivation to quit right now is highly unlikely.

Same old crap.  Still smoking and much more than before.  To much talk and very little action. It's got to the point where I'm not going to afford the $8.00 a pack I've been spending.  That means today has to be the last day!

Can't get to the point where I can't afford groceries, and more importantly, food for the cat.

Battle lost?

Well, since my last posting way back in December of last year, I'm still smoking. Once again I've lost the battle against the nicotine demon.

I'm really scared of quitting. I know about the physical withdrawals, but it's the mental effects that worry me.

I'm going to try to get on Chantix. There's a possibility it might help me quit. Shall see.