Am I still Quitting?

That has been the plan for so many weeks, days, and months to the point where it's silly.  Just do it!  Always wait until I'm out of smokes and money for them that I go on  this mental crusade to be rid of them, their stink, and their cost.
I mean, come on Mark.  $8.00 per pack! A pack a day!  Isn't it time to get real about this?

Quitting – CHANTIX Official Site – CHANTIX is a Prescription Medicine to Help Adults Quit Smoking

Woken up at three this morning with a hacking cough.  So, I decided to stay up, despite the fact I wanted to get to do laundry this morning.  Don’t know if I can stay up for that.  Just going to buy new socks and underwear at the hardware store in town.  Hardware store.  Yea.  Not buying in the shops here.  Way, way too expensive.  I don’t need some designers name on the underwear.  No one’s going to see it.  And, I mean no one.

Well.  Been to the doctor’s about this three week persistant cough.  He didn’t find it necessary to prescribe an antibiotic.  However, I did have an x-ray. Haven’t heard back from him, so I must assume everything is okay.

I can blame this coughing on allergies.  Part of that is the honest truth.  But, I’m not kidding myself  that most of the problem is smoking.

I got a script for Chantix.   Just waiting for insurance to approve it.  I’m desperate.  Quit cold turkey in the past, but can’t make it past a couple of days now without going completely insane.  Chantix is supposed to be a good alternative to NRT’s, of which I’ve tried, to no avail.  It is said one has to want to quit.

Well, I REALLY, REALLY,  want to quit.  I’m looking forward to getting the medication and plan to be rid of this filthy, deadly habit.  If for any reason, to stop coughing every time I breath.

Quitting – CHANTIX Official Site – CHANTIX is a Prescription

IceRocket Tags: smoking cessation,health,Chantix

Medicine to Help Adults Quit Smoking

Day Seven, Don’t Feel Like Heaven

Starting another day without smoking.  Still can’t get the smoking obsession out of my mind.  Smoking seems to be on my mind all the time.

I think it might be a good idea to focus on something more than the pain of withdrawal.  It would be a good idea to focus on the benefits of quitting.  Could start with a grocery list.  Maybe treat myself to food I wouldn’t normally buy. 

Day Six, No Sticks

Made it to day six by some miracle. The moment I got up I started coughing and coughing.  Really pissed me off because I thought that was the whole point of quitting; to get rid of the smoker’s cough.   But as I’ve mentioned before, not having money doesn’t give one much choice even if they did want to smoke.  My concern is when I get my check in a couple days.  Will I run out and get a pack of smokes?  Or will I continue a smoke free life?  It’s a very important decision.

Okay.  I better use some kind of tool to chill out, because I’m ready to smash something.  This is why I want to give up giving up.  The mental and physical withdrawal is so damn unpleasant I just don’t care anymore about quitting.  Urges pass.  So I’ve read.  Well this urge is lasting a little too long.

Started doing dishes to keep busy, but after a while I had to stop because I knew I was going to throw something.  So, thought I would sit down here and write again.  Touch typing keeps my fingers busy and I like the feeling of hitting the keys.  Gee.  I’m in a aggressive mood.

Day Five and Still Alive.

Hard to imagine I’ve made it this far.  Of course not being able to afford smokes has sort of made the decision to quit for me.  I will stay quit, one day at a time, even when the day comes when I can afford them.  And that time is coming in a couple days.

It’s two cups of coffee so far this morning.  Think I’ll have another.  I know it’s said to avoid having coffee when you quit, but it seems to calm me and make me feel good.  So I’ll continue to do what I’m doing and have several cups.  As it is said. “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.”

Took a step outside and a nice walk to the market.  I could smell salt in the air even though I’m not really close to the water.  I could smell the burning wood coming from chimney’s.  And when I got home and opened the door, I didn’t smell the horrible stench of cigarette smoke that usually lingered perpetually in the apartment.

10 Reasons to Quit Smoking: Cost, Smell, Wrinkles, and More

10 Reasons to Quit Smoking: Cost, Smell, Wrinkles, and More

Good article. For me the worst thing about smoking is the stench. I get embarrassed to wear my jackets because they smell so much of smoke. So that's one incentive for me to stay quit.

Day Four!

This is definitely a true day without nicotine.  I’m saying this is day four, despite the few hits of nicotine I got from those terrible rolled stubs.

Things don’t seem too bad this morning.  Got up and had a real good stretch. On my second cup of coffee.  Was getting a little annoyed with all the coughing, but I guess that’s the body cleaning itself out of all that tar and crap.

Can’t find enough things to eat a drink in the house.  Took a nap and the  first thing I did when I got up was grab a peanut butter sandwich and some instant coffee.  Now nibbling on some cheese.  Surprised I don’t upset my stomach.

Finding things to do is a great tool to fight the urges.  Seems I can’t get anything done.  Either on the computer or vegetating in front of the TV.  I guess what ever it takes.

God, this feeling like I’m losing it is growing stronger by the minute.  Can’t find enough things to do to keep my mind occupied.  Guess I’ll just nurse another cup of tea and hope this very uncomfortable feeling will pass.