Starting another day without smoking. Still can’t get the smoking obsession out of my mind. Smoking seems to be on my mind all the time.
I think it might be a good idea to focus on something more than the pain of withdrawal. It would be a good idea to focus on the benefits of quitting. Could start with a grocery list. Maybe treat myself to food I wouldn’t normally buy.
Made it to day six by some miracle. The moment I got up I started coughing and coughing. Really pissed me off because I thought that was the whole point of quitting; to get rid of the smoker’s cough. But as I’ve mentioned before, not having money doesn’t give one much choice even if they did want to smoke. My concern is when I get my check in a couple days. Will I run out and get a pack of smokes? Or will I continue a smoke free life? It’s a very important decision.
Okay. I better use some kind of tool to chill out, because I’m ready to smash something. This is why I want to give up giving up. The mental and physical withdrawal is so damn unpleasant I just don’t care anymore about quitting. Urges pass. So I’ve read. Well this urge is lasting a little too long.
Started doing dishes to keep busy, but after a while I had to stop because I knew I was going to throw something. So, thought I would sit down here and write again. Touch typing keeps my fingers busy and I like the feeling of hitting the keys. Gee. I’m in a aggressive mood.
Hard to imagine I’ve made it this far. Of course not being able to afford smokes has sort of made the decision to quit for me. I will stay quit, one day at a time, even when the day comes when I can afford them. And that time is coming in a couple days.
It’s two cups of coffee so far this morning. Think I’ll have another. I know it’s said to avoid having coffee when you quit, but it seems to calm me and make me feel good. So I’ll continue to do what I’m doing and have several cups. As it is said. “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.”
Took a step outside and a nice walk to the market. I could smell salt in the air even though I’m not really close to the water. I could smell the burning wood coming from chimney’s. And when I got home and opened the door, I didn’t smell the horrible stench of cigarette smoke that usually lingered perpetually in the apartment.
This is definitely a true day without nicotine. I’m saying this is day four, despite the few hits of nicotine I got from those terrible rolled stubs.
Things don’t seem too bad this morning. Got up and had a real good stretch. On my second cup of coffee. Was getting a little annoyed with all the coughing, but I guess that’s the body cleaning itself out of all that tar and crap.
Can’t find enough things to eat a drink in the house. Took a nap and the first thing I did when I got up was grab a peanut butter sandwich and some instant coffee. Now nibbling on some cheese. Surprised I don’t upset my stomach.
Finding things to do is a great tool to fight the urges. Seems I can’t get anything done. Either on the computer or vegetating in front of the TV. I guess what ever it takes.
God, this feeling like I’m losing it is growing stronger by the minute. Can’t find enough things to do to keep my mind occupied. Guess I’ll just nurse another cup of tea and hope this very uncomfortable feeling will pass.
I could say this is day three smoke free, but that wouldn’t be totally honest. True I haven’t had manufactured cigarettes, but I have been rolling loose tobacco I had left over from when I used the rolling machine. I cannot roll to save my life, so what I get is a puff or two until the paper either flares up or the tobacco falls out.
This is it! Now I’m coughing like mad. Guess its all the crud coming up, or trying to anyway. Just a dry and non-productive right now.
I haven’t written in so long because I’ve been smoking so much and didn’t want to do what I always do. Vowing to stop smoking, when I now I can’t keep that goal.
Not good, because, after two days without smoking, save for a couple pathetic rolled ones, I’m smoking again.
Not bad, because I’ve smoked three cigarettes in 4 1/2 hours. I know one is one to many, but at least I’m cutting down. Going to do my best not to buy a pack today. I can’t be spending $8.00 a pack like last month and be short of money by the end of it.
