Day One

9:42.a.m

Slowly waking up thanks to a couple cups of coffee.  Stretched my body some when I got up.  I coughing up all this gunk. It’s disgusting and annoying.  It’s the tar and other shit that’s been in my lungs day in and day out.  Guess my body is cleaning itself.

 

Let’s be honest. 6:00 p.m. and I found a tin of loose tobacco and rolled a couple.  I’m not very good at rolling, but they were good enough to get a little buzz.

I know I have an addictive personality because I’ve been eating all day long to substitute not smoking.  Nothing in moderation for me.

After a couple ill-made rolls I gave up.  Tastes foul and not to pleasant burning my fingers. Bed. No smoking, and I’ll feel better tomorrow for it.  I hope.

IceRocket Tags: addiction,smoking cessation,health,lifestyle

Lights Out

Time for lights out and off to bed.  It’s only been few hours free of smokes and I’m already a cranky basket case.  So, I figured I would just go to bed and watch some TV.

IceRocket Tags: smoking cessation,addiction,health

Fighting the Urge to smoke, Dammit!

I am sitting here trying to write away the urge.

Won’t be but a few hours before I’ll really have to fight the urges as I have absolutely no money for cigarettes.  Unless I want to starve.  Don’t think I want to do that.

Five smokes left at 11:00 a.m.  Then that’s it. Five left and counting. 11:20 three left and counting 4:00 p.m. Two left and counting.  I think I’m just smoking for the sake of it. Why not just throw the ones I have left?  Because I’m avoiding the inevitable.

Well.  The inevitable has arrived.  No more cigarettes.  Going to cook some dinner and I’ll go from there. I know if I keep telling myself quitting is close to impossible and terribly hard it will make it much more difficult than it has to be.

 

• Push For Higher Cigarette Taxes a "Gold Rush" (patspapers.com)
• And I’m the fool who has been giving the state my money.
• Quit the comfort zone tobacco provides (mayoclinic.com)

 

 

Stay home

I’m staying in today.  Don’t really need to get groceries, so there is no reason to go out, except to get smokes, which I don’t want to do.  I have a few smokes left.  Could they be the last?  Well, considering I have very little money until the beginning of the month, logic would tell anyone that food is more important.  There should be no question about it.  But, I am a nicotine addict, and like most addicts, don’t think clearly.  If staying in will guard me from spending good money on a bad habit, then, so be it.

Technorati Tags: addiction,smoking cessation,health,lifestyle

It Stinks!

Smoking stinks!  I mean it really stinks!

Technorati Tags: smoking cessation,health,addiction

MQ5FMZUFS58H

MQ5FMZUFS58H

Kick Butts Day

Kick Butts Day

Ironic that today is throw away to smokes day. The day I decided to stop, or at least attempt to stop smoking.

Up an hour with out a smoke. Keep it up.

Praying

Praying, praying and praying that I can wake up tomorrow and not smoke.  Praying for some spiritual epiphany.  I pray I don’t go out and buy a pack.  And I pray I don’t get crazy or scared of the withdrawal. I pray.

Technorati Tags: smoking cessation,addiction,health

Boredom

I think boredom drives me to smoke constantly.  I know I find myself smoking , even if I don’t want to, and more than often don’t even get the nicotine rush I was looking for.  Just pure habit.  A habit that doesn’t make any sense

Technorati Tags: smoking cessation,health,addiction,lifestyle

I feel like Sissy from Sordid Lives.  Everything but the rubber band.

BESOCHEMPS blog: Big Tobacco makes secret plea to avoid payout

BESOCHEMPS blog: Big Tobacco makes secret plea to avoid payout

I'm not surprised. Most corporations act shady. Not just the tobacco industry.

I still question the effects of second-hand smoke. How about second-hand car fumes?
I am trying to stop, but I'm obviously defensive and living in high denial.

Still puffing.

It almost does no't make any sense to say one minute I'm not going to smoke and the next minute picking  one up.

Beat the urge to buy.

Image via Wikipedia

Technorati Tags: smoking cessation,addiction,health

Went to market and didn’t stop to get cigarettes.  Hopefully the pretzel sticks I got will help.

Disgusting picture.

Technorati Tags: smoking,addiction,smoking cessation,tobacco

A very disgusting picture.  Makes it’s point about how disgusting smoking is.

A baby step closer.

With only a couple of cigarettes left it’s down to the wire.  In a few short minutes I’ll be kissing the sticks goodbye. 

Denial

Feel any motivation to quit right now is highly unlikely.

Same old crap.  Still smoking and much more than before.  To much talk and very little action. It's got to the point where I'm not going to afford the $8.00 a pack I've been spending.  That means today has to be the last day!

Can't get to the point where I can't afford groceries, and more importantly, food for the cat.

Battle lost?

Well, since my last posting way back in December of last year, I'm still smoking. Once again I've lost the battle against the nicotine demon.

I'm really scared of quitting. I know about the physical withdrawals, but it's the mental effects that worry me.

I'm going to try to get on Chantix. There's a possibility it might help me quit. Shall see.