Conversation with the Demon

Waking up this morning I made coffee and drank a cup.  One hour later I lit up a cigarette.  Inhaling it I was beginning to dread my quit date tomorrow.  A voice says you have few things in life to enjoy.  Keep smoking.  The other voice, trying desperately to be heard, is saying how wonderful and released from nicotine slavery you will feel.

Mourning Cigarettes

Monday is my quit day and I’m already morning the loss of my smokes.  Sick.  I keep telling myself that I have no idea how I’m going to cope without smoking.  I need to remind myself that I did stop for four months a few years ago and I didn’t die from it.  I actually enjoyed the freedom.  Been in the hospital for several days without smoking.  So.  It is possible.

Was going to brave this windy, wet weather and buy a pack of ‘real’ cigarettes.  See, I’m using the loose tabacco and machine with tubes; making my own.  What a hassle that is.  I get so frustrated with jamming and tubes not filling and the mess.  It really reminds me how insane it is to go through what I go through for nicotine.

This is going to be a great challenge.  Of all the things I could do for myself, this is the greatest.

December 7th, 2009 is my goal to quit smoking. I'm not sure if I'm psyching myself up like I should.

There are so many reasons for quitting. The one that stands out the most is health. I wake up every morning coughing up crap. I've got a slew of reasons. Dry air from the baseboard heating. Dust. Allergies. All of those are poor excuses; and lies.

Of course, at $8.00 a pack; that's incentive enough. I simply can't afford to smoke and put food on the table. The choice is obvious. But I'm an addict and slave to nicotine and I can easily forego a nice steak for a pack of smokes.

So the journey starts Monday...